apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
