The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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