nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
