I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize