she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
