I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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