I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
