Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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