they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
