i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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