He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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