Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
