I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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