In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
