Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
