we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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