you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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