I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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