Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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