Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
