I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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