Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
