Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.