i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm like, not good at living.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
