YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
