the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
