I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
