I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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