He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
