there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
