I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
