So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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