he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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