moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
