I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
