she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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