man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
