What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
