i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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