Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
