the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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