I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
