I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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