i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
