cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
