That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
