i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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