I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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