well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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