the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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