im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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