he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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