I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
