Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
pray to the hookup gods
i now understand why vodka
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
