I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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