You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ladies don't puke and tell
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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