I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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