So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
