running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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