i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
