This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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